Green tomato chutney

The cherry tomatoes we planted in the hanging baskets misjudged their ripening quite spectacularly this year...

You'll need

lots of unripe, green tomatoes (about 500g), chopped up (mine were cherry tomatoes, so I just halved them)
500g of onions, chopped up quite small
250g raisins or sultanas
250g dark brown muscovado sugar
500ml vinegar (I used mostly cider vinegar, but then ran out so topped it up with malt)
1 teaspoon green cardamoms
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (preferably something that didn't go out of date in 2002)
1 teaspoon dried chilli flakes
2 teaspoons salt

Chuck everything in a large pan (preferably not an aluminium one, as that'll react with the mixture), bring to the boil, and then simmer for an hour or so until it's turned into a deep brown, pulpy (not runny) mass.

Spoon into sterilised jars (there's some notes on this here in the rhubarb chutney recipe), and label, so when you find it at the back of the cupboard in 2015, you've an idea what it is. I found this amount fitted into 2.5 Frank Cooper Oxford marmalade jars (I'm thinking these are a standard 454g - but I'm quite taken with the idea of a marmalade jar measure. Paddington would most certainly approve...)

Chicken casserole

We spent the morning on the beach in the sunshine and wind, looking at the seaweed in rockpools and building a wonky sandcastle. It made us very hungry.

You'll need:

chicken thighs (we had five between the three of us)
three onions, sliced
a clove of garlic, finely chopped
a carrot, sliced
half a glass of white wine
chicken stock
thyme, salt and pepper
a little flour

You'll need the oven on reasonably high for this, if you want it to cook in an hour or so (so about 180 degrees C).

Brown the chicken thighs in a frying pan in a little olive oil, and then chuck into your casserole dish. Add the onions and garlic to the pan, and fry them until they're translucent. At that point add a teaspoonful of flour, and swish them about a bit for a minute or two. Throw this lot (together with the uncooked carrot slices) into the dish.

To your by now rather grotty frying pan, add a little chicken stock. Bring to the boil, and swirl about with a wooden spoon, making sure you get all the brown bits off the bottom of the pan. Pour it all into the casserole dish, together with whatever half-glass of white wine you can get your hands on. Add enough chicken stock (or a stock cube in hot water) until the chicken thighs are covered).

Season with some salt, pepper and a sprinkle of thyme. Cover with a lid (or a sheet of foil) and cook in the oven for an hour or so.

We ate this with some plain boiled rice, and chunks of whole sweetcorn.

Cheese stars

Unaccountably popular with small children (and grown ups). We made these for Sunday's NCT party - it's hard to believe that all eight of you are now three. It's adapted from yet another Nigella recipe - her baking recipes work every time.

100g grated cheese (I used a mixture of Edam and mature cheddar, as that was what we had left. I suspect a little bit of parmesan in there would be nice too).
50g self-raising flour
25g butter, chopped into small pieces (needs to be soft for mixing)
1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper (preferably one that smells a little stronger than mine, which was best before October 2002)
a pinch of salt

Stick the oven on at 200 degrees C. Mix everything together in a bowl, and squidge away as if your life depended on it. You don't need to add any liquid - this will come together of its own accord into a rough dough. Pummel it a little further to make it smoother, then roll out with a rolling pin. If you want lots of stars, make the dough thinner rather than thicker...

Slide the stars onto a baking sheet (I use a silicon sheet on my baking tray, then I don't have to bother with greaseproof paper or greasing it), and bake for 8-10 minutes. Once they start going brownish round the edges whip them out - they'll bake a little more as they cool down.

Meatballs

It was an afternoon of biscuit making, followed by some squidging about of raw meat. It doesn't get much better than that.

I borrowed this from Nigella's How to Eat (her section on kids' food is excellent), and adapted it so it tasted a bit less mousse-y.

This makes lots and lots of meatballs - I'd say enough for 4 grownup portions and at least one toddler.

500g mince (I used pork mince)
a couple of slices of bread, turned into breadcrumbs in the blender (actually, I've no idea if it was only a couple of slices - I found a bag of breadcrumbs in the freezer that I'd made a couple of months ago from the ends of the loaf)
some flat leaf parsley, chopped and chopped until it's very small
one egg, beaten
salt and pepper
an ounce or so of parmesan cheese, grated
a little flour

Stick the breadcrumbs, mince, parsley and egg in a bowl, and squidge them all about till they're mixed nicely. Add the salt, pepper and parmesan cheese. Mix wildly again.

Shape the mixture into little balls (you loved this bit), and roll in a little flour (you need two plates at this point - one with a little bit of flour on it for rolling, and an empty plate to put the finished meatballs on).

Drizzle a little olive oil in a frying pan, and then brown the meatballs in batches, turning them carefully.

We had our meatballs with some rice and a tomato sauce - essentially the pizza sauce I normally make with a tin of tomatoes, a chopped onion and some herbs. Once I'd browned the meatballs, I dropped them into the tomato sauce, which had been simmering for 15 minutes or so. I then left the whole lot to simmer for another half an hour (adding a little extra water along the way now and then, so the meatballs had lots of liquid to cook in), until the meatballs were completely cooked.

They were quite possibly the best meatballs I've managed to make.

Rhubarb chutney

Grandma had lots of rhubarb going spare, so we made it into some chutney (we don't often eat puddings, so I'm afraid you're missing out on rhubarb pie or rhubarb crumble). It's pretty good with fishy things, or with cheese and crackers.

You'll need:

lots of rhubarb - about 500g was about right
one onion, chopped
100ml vinegar (I used cider vinegar, as that's what I had in the cupboard)
200g brown sugar
fresh ginger, finely chopped (I used about an inch of ginger). I guess you could also use dried ginger, or some of the lazy stuff in a jar, but I just happened to have some in the fridge.
a pinch of salt

Trim the ends off the rhubarb, peel any grotty bits, and then chop into chunks. Chuck everything bar the rhubarb into a pan (I used a non-stick one to make cleaning up at the end easier), and bring to a rolling boil for 5 minutes.

Add the rhubarb, and simmer for 15-20 minutes, until it's thickened slightly. Pour into a sterilised jar (it makes about 500ml). It should keep for up to a year, I reckon. Once you've opened it though, keep it in the fridge.

(Sterilising jars is dead easy - just do them in the dishwasher, or rinse in hot soapy water and dry in the oven on a low heat - it's best if the jar's still warm if you're flinging very hot sugary chutney into it!)

Pork tenderloin stuffed with prunes

We spent the afternoon at the Baltic, looking at the Yoshitomo Nara + Graf exhibition. You loved the little dog castle/kennel, and Captain Jack had a whale of a time talking to the dogs.

Consequently, tea was a little bit late.

This makes enough for three large people (Ian joined us for tea), and a small one:

a large piece of pork tenderloin
an onion, finely chopped
a couple of handfuls of prunes, stoned and chopped
salt, pepper

Start with the prune stuffing - fry the onion in a little olive oil, until it turns translucent. Add the prunes, and a little water, and cook for 10-15 minutes. The prunes will absorb the water, so you might have to add a little more from time to time (you could also add some madeira, or a little white wine at this point to give the whole thing a bit of a kick).

Lay the pork on a piece of clingfilm, and stretch another sheet of clingfilm over the top. Bash away at it with a rolling pin, or some other large wooden object (you loved this bit). Once it's flattened, carefully spoon the prune mixture in a line down the middle, then roll up the pork (I secured this with a few cocktail sticks, but I'm sure there's a proper trussing method you could use involving string and all sorts).

Roast in the oven for 30-40 minutes, until the top of the meat goes slightly crispy. We ate ours with some steamed leeks, and boiled new potatoes from our pots in the garden.

Oxtail stew with herby dumplings

A bit of a retro one this. If you don't fancy oxtail, you can use some stewing steak instead.

You'll need:

a couple of oxtail pieces
a couple of handfuls of pearl barley
two carrots, sliced
two sticks of celery, chopped
an onion, chopped
worcestershire sauce
salt, pepper and some thyme

Brown the oxtail in your stew pot, using a little oil (I used a little olive oil, but anything would do). Add the onion and celery, and cook for a couple of minutes until the onion starts to go soft. Chuck in the carrots and pearl barley, and add enough water to cover the top of the oxtail. Add a splash of worcestershire sauce, and some salt, pepper and a fair sprinkling of thyme.

Stick a lid on the pot, and either leave on the hob, or stick in the oven at about 160-175 degrees C for a couple of hours.

For the dumplings you'll need double the flour to the suet (vegetarian, of course). For three of us I usually have 50g suet and 100g self-raising flour, mixed together with a teaspoon of thyme and some cold water.

Mould into little balls (I usually make about 8), and plonk them into the stew. Stick the pot in the oven (uncovered this time), for another 25-30 minutes, until the dumplings have gone brown and crispy. Mmmmmm.

Fried rice with chorizo and prawns

We got back from Gran and Grandpa's in need of a little something for lunch after a weekend of travelling on steam trains. This seemed to fit the bill.

You'll need:

some leftover cooked rice (from Thursday's tilapia tea)
some chorizo (how much depends on how greedy you are, and how much you like chorizo - so in your case lots...), sliced
an onion, finely chopped
half a red pepper, chopped
a couple of carrots, sliced
a handful of prawns (if frozen, make sure they are defrosted)
a little sunflower oil
black pepper

Chuck the chorizo in a frying pan (you don't need to add any extra oil), and turn up the heat. Fry for a couple of minutes, then add the onion, and cook until it's translucent. Add the red pepper and carrots, and cook until they're softened - at this point chuck in the prawns and cook for a minute or two. Add the rice and swish everything about in the pan until the rice is reheated. If it starts to stick, you may need to add a little sunflower oil. Season with some black pepper.

You may also like to add a touch of chilli with some Encona or Tabasco. Your dad likes eating this with a little mayonnaise, and he often adds some soy sauce.

Tilapia with lime and butter

You picked these out at the supermarket fish counter today, because they looked friendly. They tasted pretty good too.

For two large people and one small person you'll need:

a couple of large(ish) tilapia, gutted but with the heads and tails still on
a lime, sliced into large pieces
salt and pepper
a knob of butter for each fish

Stick the oven on at about 180-200 degrees C. You'll need a couple of large squares of foil, to wrap the fish in. Stick the fish in the middle of the foil, shove a few pieces of lime inside, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place a knob of butter on the top, and then parcel up the fish, making sure that there's no gaps.

Place both fishy parcels on an oven tray, and cook for 30-40 minutes in the oven. The fish will steam in its parcel - it's quite firm, white flesh. There's a few bones, but as they're huge, it's easy to pick them out (especially if you slice carefully along the backbone, and pull one side of the flesh back).

We ate this with lots of lime chutney, some rice, and steamed broccoli dipped in soy sauce. The rice was a bit overdone because the cat threw up on the bed at an inopportune moment, but the less said about that the better.

Grandma's pizza

Mum used to make this for me and your Uncle Dom back in the 1970s, when the world was orange, brown and lime green.

I wasn't sure if you'd like it, but you ate loads. I suspect if I make it next week you'll hate it - that's three-year-olds for you.

You'll need:

4oz self-raising flour and 4oz wholemeal flour (I didn't have any wholemeal today, so I just did everything with the self-raising. Shame, because it gives it a really nice, nutty taste.)
a pinch of salt
1 teaspoon of baking powder
2oz butter (or margarine, if you're going for that 1970s wholefood feel)
4-5 fl oz milk

For the topping:

1 large onion, chopped
1 clove of garlic, finely chopped
1 tin of tomatoes
1 tablespoon tomato puree
2 bay leaves
a large tin of pilchards/sardines in tomato sauce
oregano, salt and pepper
grated cheese

To make the base, measure out the flour, salt and baking powder into a bowl, and rub in the butter. Mum's original recipe said to sift the flour, but I rarely do. Once all the butter has been rubbed in, mix to a firm dough with the milk. Add 4fl oz and then see - you might need a little more, but then again you might not.

Give the base a good knead, and then press onto a rectangular baking tray. You can roll it out if you're feeling fancy, but to be honest you can just push the dough out with your hands.

To make the topping, lightly fry the onion and garlic in a little olive oil, until they've softened. Add the tomato puree, tin of tomatoes, bay leaves, oregano and black pepper, and leave to simmer for 20 minutes or so, until they've cooked down to a sludgy mass.

Stick the oven on - my original instructions say Gas Mark 5 or 375 degrees F. I have no idea what that is in centigrade, but about 180 degrees C worked fine today.

Mash the sardines, and add to the tomato sauce. Spread over the dough base (don't worry if there's a bit too much topping - that's a marvellous state of affairs because you can have the rest on toast for lunch the next day), and sprinkle the grated cheese (lots) on top.

Bake in the oven for 30-35 minutes, depending on how hot Gas Mark 5 actually is.

Toad in the hole

After much explanation that no toads were harmed in the making of this dish, we ate it for tea, with some courgettes, sweetcorn and peas. There was a lot of explaining about Yorkshire pudding too.

You'll need:

sausages - we had about 14 little skinny thinny Cumberland ones
2 eggs
150g plain flour
150ml milk, mixed with 150ml water
a teaspoon of grainy mustard
a little sunflower oil

You need the oven good and hot, so stick it on at about 220 degrees C before you start.

In a bowl, whisk together the eggs, flour, milk and mustard, until it's stopped being hideously lumpy. According to the God of all sausage dishes, Nigel Slater, you want the batter to be the consistency of double cream, so depending on how large your eggs are, you may have to add a little extra flour.

Now your oven's hot, stick your toad in the hole pan(s) in, with a dollop of sunflower oil in the bottom. I used muffin tins today, to make mini toads, but you could just bung the whole lot in a baking dish (in which case you'll need a couple of tablespoons of oil in the bottom).

Once the oil's hot (should take just a couple of minutes), add the batter to each tin (it should sizzle nicely), and drop the sausages in. Try not to get spattered by any hot fat...

Bake in the oven for about 30-40 minutes, depending on the size of your sausages and how crispy you like your Yorkshire pudding.

Pea (and everything else) soup

Another of the 'let's see what's in the fridge' recipes that's excellent for lunch.

You'll need:

some chicken stock (I had some lurking in the freezer because I'm like that, but to be honest a stock cube of some description would be equally good, dissolved in some hot water)
veg! I used some frozen peas, some celery and an onion
a couple of potatoes (don't on any account use sweet potatoes...it makes for a horribly sweet soup if you mix them with peas...)

Peel the potatoes, and then chop them (and all the veg). Stick the onion/celery and any other similar type things in your pan, with a little olive oil, and fry them until they've softened. Add the potatoes and stock, bring to the boil, and simmer until the potatoes are cooked. Add your peas, and cook for another five minutes or so.

Stick in the blender (or use one of those magic wand/blender things) to make it all smooth. Chuck in a teaspoon of creme fraiche or a dribble of cream if you're feeling in need of a bit of luxury. Some tiny pieces of crispy pancetta or bacon would probably also go down well.

French food

No recipes, sadly, but we've just returned from a week at Grandma and Grandad's, in which you have eaten your own body weight in tresse au chocolat and croissants. They seem to be your favourites, along with anything that includes olives, pistachios, nectarines, lardons and baguettes, or involves sitting in a cafe with a pineapple juice, watching the world go by.

(thanks to Chez Loulou for the photo)

Haggis!

A little unseasonal, but as it's been pouring down all day and currently feels like January, why not?

You'll need:

one haggis (preferably MacSween's, but in an emergency any will do. You can even get vegetarian ones if you're squeamish)
potatoes/swede, if you like the neaps and tatties combo, otherwise just some boiled potatoes will do fine
veg - we had carrots and peas today, but anything solidly British (none of this Mediterranean nonsense) will do
Nigel Slater's esteemed onion gravy (although haggis is also surprisingly good with brown sauce)

Stick the oven on at around 190 degrees C. (Don't even think of boiling a haggis - roasting them makes them much fluffier and nicer.) Wrap your haggis in foil, and put in a roasting tin, with a centimetre or two of water in the bottom. Bung in the oven for about 90 minutes until it's piping hot (although if it comes out piping Scotland the Brave, run for the hills).

If it's Burns Night (25 January), you'll need to spout a bit of poetry (the Address to a Haggis), and then go in for the kill with a large knife. If it's a wet Friday night in Gateshead in September, you're off the hook.

UPDATE: More haggis recipes here, when you get bored with the traditional one.

A 3rd birthday party

You insisted on a 'strawberry party' this year, so we tried to make all the food as red as possible...

You'll need 8 small people to dance like dervishes to musical bumps and musical statues, while you assemble the following on the dining room table:

a large tub of baby tomatoes
a red pepper, sliced
babybels - one for each child to stop any arguments
strawberries, natch
red pizza (we had salami, tomato and mozarella - I was going to make it, but frankly life's too short when you've got a cake to ice as well, so Somerfield catered)
Tunnocks tea cakes
Hula Hoops (so everyone could wear them on their fingers)
jam tarts
Iced Gems (it really isn't a birthday party without these)

We had a red tablecloth on the table, red straws to drink the orange juice through, and lots of strawberry-coloured balloons (as well as some home-made bunting).

And, obviously, the piece de resistance - a strawberry cake.

Glace icing

More birthday preparations - I used this recipe to ice your strawberry cake (recipe for that to follow too).

You'll need:

8oz icing sugar
40ml hot water

Sift the icing sugar into a large bowl. This part is really good fun, even if most of the sugar does have a tendency to go over the worktop. Gradually add the water (you may not need all of it, especially if you're intending to add some liquid food colouring) and beat the mixture with a wooden spoon.

Depending on what texture of icing you want, you'll need to add more or less water. If you just want a thin glaze to drizzle over the top you'll maybe need more than the 40ml. I had fairly thick (but still drippable) icing to cover your cake - in pink for the strawberry part, and then green for the stalk.

Jam tarts

We made these for your third birthday celebrations. You especially liked rolling out the pastry, cutting out the shapes, and dolloping in the jam.

You'll need

shortcrust pastry
jam (the fewer seeds the better)

To make the shortcrust pastry, use half fat to flour (to make around 24 jam tarts took 8oz flour and 4oz (ish) butter), and mix with some cold water from the fridge. The pastry doesn't need much water - you want a stiffish mix.

Let the pastry rest in the fridge for 15 minutes - it'll roll out better. We ran out of time, and didn't, and they still tasted ok. While you're waiting, stick the oven on to around 180 degrees C.

Roll out the pastry, and use some cutters (or an old jam jar, slightly floured), to cut out rounds big enough to fit in the indentations in your tart tin. Dollop one teaspoon of jam in each - not too much, or else it'll run everywhere, and the tart tin will be an absolute pain to clean.

Stick in the oven for 10-15 minutes - take them out once the pastry is golden/light brown, and the jam is bubbling.

We made some raspberry tarts, some strawberry tarts, and some fig tarts (Grandma gave me some fig jam from her next-door neighbour in France). I liked the fig ones the best, but they're probably an acquired taste.

Really good chips

More lemony chicken tonight, roasted in the oven - so we made chips to go with it, and a nice green salad.

We dug up the potatoes last week - I still can't quite believe that we managed to get a good few pounds of potatoes by sticking some old sprouting ones in four black pots, covering them with soil, and leaving them in the back yard to work their magic.

You'll need

a couple of large potatoes per person
some olive oil (and a brush)
a baking tray

Stick the oven on fairly high - around 200 degrees C should do. Wash the potatoes (leave the skins on), and then slice in half lengthways. Cut into thin(ish) slices.

Place the potato slices on a baking tray (I put mine on a silicon sheet, so that they don't stick). Drizzle a little olive oil over the top of them, and then use a pastry brush to make sure that each chip is covered (you really like doing this bit).

Bung in the oven for a good 20 minutes or so. Have a look - maybe turn a few over. Depending on how thick you've sliced them, the chips might be ready - the only way to tell is to try them. If not, stick them back in for a bit longer. I think they took half an hour tonight.