Chard and chorizo tart

The chard plants have gone rather mad on the allotment this year - here they are a month or so ago - they're now well over six feet tall.



So we've eaten lots of chard with a dash of lemon juice and olive oil, and it's been cunningly hidden in all sorts of vegetable sauces. But before outright rebellion began, I had the bright idea of combining it with chorizo...

You'll need:

a large bagful of chard leaves (you could also use spinach)
1 onion, finely chopped
lots of chorizo, sliced (I used about 10 slices for three of us)
2 eggs
a dash of milk
shortcrust pastry

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees C, and find a quiche/flan tin or dish (preferably with a removable bottom).

Gently fry the onion in a little olive oil until it's translucent. Wash the chard, drain in a colander, and then tip into the onion pan. It'll gently wilt, and shrink to about a tenth of its former volume over a couple of minutes. Stir it occasionally to stop it sticking.

Line the flan dish with your shortcrust pastry, and then place the whole thing on a baking sheet. Tip the chard/onion mixture on top of the pastry, and then decorate roughly with the chorizo slices. Beat the two eggs together in a mixing jug, and add a splash of milk (or cream if you have it lying around the fridge). Tip into the pastry case, season with some ground black pepper, and bake in the oven for 20-30 minutes, until the pastry is crisp and the eggy mixture is set.


It goes very well with a tomato salad. Or more green leaves, if you've got an allotment glut...

Chocolate tart

With optional Easter chicks. 'Scuse the bad photo, but it was taken after a couple of glasses of fizz, and the phone was wobbling slightly.

You made this for your chocaholic Grandma for Easter Sunday lunch - we took it with us as a surprise. She wasn't allowed to look at it until all the chicks had been carefully placed on top.

It's based on a lovely Rachel Allen recipe from her Bake collection, and serves...well, that all depends on how greedy you are. We comfortably got 12 portions from it.

You'll need:

shortcrust pastry (8oz flour usually gives enough to line a 20cm flan dish, plus a little left over for 4 or 5 jam tarts)

125g milk chocolate, chopped into small pieces
175g dark chocolate (ditto)
2 eggs (beaten)
175ml double cream
125ml milk

Stick your oven on at about 180 degrees C, and grease your flan dish. Line with shortcrust pastry, prick the bottom with a fork, and then weight down a sheet of greaseproof paper with some baking beads or lentils/rice etc. Bake the pastry shell in the oven for 12-15 minutes, until it's turned golden brown.

In the meantime, mix together the cream and milk in a saucepan, and bring to boiling point. Quickly take it off the heat, and tip in the small pieces of chocolate (taking care to test a few on the way). Stir until they have dissolved, and you have a glorious creamy, glossy, chocolate-y sauce.

Leave to cool slightly, then carefully mix in the eggs. Pour the mixture into the pastry shell, and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes - you want it to just softly set. If you leave it to cool in the tin, it'll be much easier to extract.

Smoked salmon and courgette quiche

This was one that your Dad and me loved, but which you wouldn't touch with a bargepole. Funny - you love slices of bread topped with smoked salmon.


Makes enough for 4. You'll need:

1 large courgette, chopped into smallish chunks
a small packet of smoked salmon, torn into small pieces
1 onion, finely chopped
shortcrust pastry (made with about 8oz flour)
2 eggs
1/2 pt full cream milk
a little olive oil
a sprinkle of thyme (dill would be lovely if you have some), and lashings of black pepper

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees C, and fish out (a) one of those flan dishes with a removable bottom and (b) a baking tray to stand it on. Grease the flan dish, or line with some greaseproof paper.

Roll out your shortcrust pastry, and line the flan dish. Mine's about 20cm across, I think, and this amount of pastry is more than enough to line the dish and have a little left for 3 or 4 jam tarts.

Fry the onions in a little olive oil, until they turn translucent. Add the chopped courgette, and cook until it's softened (but not too much, or you'll have a soggy mess on your hands).

Tip the courgette/onion into your flan dish, and spread them about artistically. Add the smoked salmon pieces, and season with some thyme and lots of black pepper.

Lightly beat the eggs with the milk, and pour (carefully) into the pastry shell. Make sure it's on the baking tray before you start - there's nothing worse than wobbling across the kitchen with it.

Bake in the oven for 30-40 minutes, until the pastry is golden brown and the filling is set. Eat while still warm, with a green salad.

Butternut squash, spinach and blue cheese tart

This was inspired by the vast quantities of butternut squash in the veg box last week.

Makes enough for 4. You'll need:

a medium butternut squash, peeled and cubed
a good slug of olive oil
lots of spinach (about 1/3 of a bag, or whatever frozen stuff you can drag out)
a good hunk of blue cheese (ours was miscellaneous Sainsbury's value 'blue cheese', but stilton would be good, and roquefort or gorganzola pretty special)
one onion, finely sliced
a clove of garlic, minced
shortcrust pastry (enough for an A4-sized baking tray - 8oz flour should do the trick)

Stick the oven on at about 200 degrees C. Tip your cubed squash into an ovenproof dish, and slosh some olive oil over the top. Shake the cubes about until they're coated, then roast in the oven for 20 minutes or so, until the squash is soft.

In the meantime, fry the onion and garlic in a little olive oil until its turned translucent. Add the spinach, and heat in the pan for a couple of minutes until its wilted.

Grease your baking tray, and roll out the shortcrust pastry. Line the tray with the pastry, and then tip the onion/spinach mixture on top. Scatter over your roasted squash, and some cubes of blue cheese. It should now look a little like this:


Season with some salt and black pepper. Turn the oven down to about 180 degrees C, and bake the tart for about 20-25 minutes. It's ready when the pasty is crisp and golden brown, and the cheese has melted.

We ate ours with lashings of black pepper and a nice green salad:

Kipper flan

I suppose this is really kipper quiche, but that just sounds too odd. I found this recipe in Delia's Frugal Food - and as I had a couple of kippers hanging about in the freezer, thought we'd try it out. It's nice hot (the kipper bones must be more flexible), but a bit on the bony side when cold.

It's definitely one of those recipes that you wouldn't necessarily go out and buy the ingredients specially to make, but is worth a go.

Makes enough for 4. You'll need:

250g kipper fillets
shortcrust pastry - enough for a 20cm diameter tin (about 8oz flour usually does the trick)
a little lemon juice
2 large eggs (I used 3 small ones)
about 250ml milk
1/4 teaspoon Colman's powdered mustard
salt and pepper

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees C, and fish out a flan dish (the ones with the removable bottoms are the best).

First of all, grill your kippers for a couple of minutes on each side - sling them on a rack under your grill as they are. In the meantime, line the flan dish with your pastry.

If you've got lots of time, you could bake the pastry case blind - prick the pastry all over with a fork, place some greaseproof paper over the top, and weigh it down with baking beans or rice. Bake in the oven for 10 minutes or so. If you haven't got time for all that malarkey, you can miss it out - you'll have a slighly soggier bottom to the flan, but it'll still be extremely edible.

Skin the kippers, and try to extract as many of the irritating little bones as possible. Flake, and tip onto your pastry base. Squeeze a little lemon juice over the top.

Beat together your milk, eggs and mustard, and pour into the flan. Season with lots of black pepper.

Place the flan dish on a baking sheet (in case of escaping mixture - it's a right pain to get off the bottom of your oven), and sling in the oven for 30-40 minutes. The filling should be golden brown, and puffed up.

Eat warm, with a green salad.

Egg and bacon pie

Perfect snow food.

You'll need:

6 rashers of bacon (we like streaky)
4 eggs
1 onion, finely chopped
140ml milk
salt and pepper

shortcrust pastry

Stick the oven on at about 200 degrees C, and fish out a deep pie tin/dish, about 18cm across.

Hardboil 3 of your 4 eggs - sling them in a pan with some cold water, bring it to the boil and then simmer the eggs for 7-8 minutes. Run under some cold water, then peel and chop.

Fry/grill the bacon rashers until they are crispy. Take them out of the pan, and place on some kitchen roll, to absorb any grease. Chop the rashers into small pieces.

You could use a splash of olive oil to fry the onion, or you could just throw caution to the wind and chuck it into the remaining bacon fat, and frying until translucent.

Grease your pie dish, and line with half the pastry. Chuck in the chopped egg and bacon pieces, together with the onion. Beat egg 4 with the milk, and pour over the lot.

Using the second half of the pastry, roll out a lid, and place on top (you might need to dampen the edges a little, to make them seal). Make a small hole in the centre of the pie to let the steam out, then bake in the oven for 10 minutes. Turn the heat down to 180 degrees C, and give it another 25-30 minutes, until the top has turned golden brown.

Eat hot with lots of steamed greens, or cold with a green salad.

Butternut squash and feta pie

Perfect for vegetarians, or for eating after a long afternoon playing with Gran and Grandpa.

Makes enough for 4 greedy adults. You'll need:

1 butternut squash, peeled, seeds removed and chopped into chunks
olive oil
1 medium onion, sliced
about half a pack of feta cheese, cubed
dried thyme
whatever cream you have in the fridge (I used a drizzle of single cream)
shortcrust pastry

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees C. Sling the chunks of butternut squash into an ovenproof dish or on a baking tray, drizzle lots of olive oil over the top and give them a good shake. Bung this in the oven for about 40 minutes, until the squash is soft.

In the meantime, make your shortcrust pastry, and leave to rest in the fridge. Fry the onion in a little olive oil until it turns translucent.

Once your squash is done, you're ready to assemble. Don't turn off the oven!

You'll need a pie dish (whatever you've used for the squash is usually a good bet) - tip the squash, onion and feta in, and give it a good mix. Sprinkle some dried thyme over the top, and grind over some black pepper. Add a drizzle of cream or a little water so that it doesn't dry out in the oven.

Roll out your pastry to the size of your pie dish, and lay over the top. You could get fancy with pastry decorations, or brush with a little beaten egg, but frankly, life's too short.

Sling your pie in the oven - it'll be done in about 20 minutes when the pastry is golden brown. Slice and eat with a green, spinachy salad.

Courgette and feta tart

Courgette, allotment, glut, yada, yada...

We've spent the day recovering from the delights of birthday parties, beaches and too much cake. So pastry for tea was the ideal solution. This makes enough for 3-4 people, or 2 very greedy ones.

You'll need:

a couple of large courgettes, sliced
3 medium onion, finely sliced
1 clove of garlic, finely chopped
a good slosh of olive oil
half a pack of feta cheese, cubed
the scone base from Grandma's pizza or shortcrust pastry - they're both nice with a teaspoon or so of dried thyme added to the flour.

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees and fish out a baking tray (you'll need to grease it or line it with greaseproof paper).

Fry the onions and garlic in the olive oil until they've softened. Roll out your dough/pastry, and line the baking tray. Scatter the onion across the base, and then lay out the slices of courgettes in whatever pretty pattern takes your fancy - I like the geometric niceties of rows, but you could go all out for arty-farty if you've got time. Scatter the feta cheese across the courgettes, drizzle a little extra olive oil all over, and season well with lots of black pepper.

Bake for 20-25 minutes, until the base is crispy and the feta cheese browned. Goes well with a green salad, and Patak's aubergine pickle.

Beetroot and goat's cheese tart

We may have found the only beetroot recipe in the world that your Dad and I like (we're not big fans, let's put it this way). This one is nicked from Hugh Fearnley Whernley and slightly adjusted.

Makes enough for 4 (or for 6 as a starter). You'll need:

shortcrust pastry (I used 200g flour, 75g butter and a little cold water)
3 red onions, finely sliced
150ml red wine
2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
1 tablespoon honey
1 teaspoon dried thyme
500g small beetroot
a little fresh dill, finely chopped
200g goat's cheese

First of all, you need to roast the beetroot. Wash them, cut the top and bottom off, and stick in the oven at about 200 degrees C with a little olive oil for 40-45 minutes (you may need a little longer if they're on the large side). Let them cool a little, then peel, and chop into wedges. It's best to delegate this bit, as it's rather messy.

In the meantime, make the shortcrust pastry, and prepare the rest of your filling. You'll need a flan tin (I used one about 20cm across with a removable bottom), which you need to grease, and line with the pastry. Stick a circle of baking parchment on top, and then tip in some baking beans, or dried pulses. Bake in the oven for 10-12 minutes or so, and then haul it out.

Fry the onions in a little olive oil until they're soft. Add the wine, vinegar, dried thyme, honey (and a generous helping of black pepper), and then simmer until almost all the liquid's gone. Stir in the beetroot wedges, add a little fresh dill, and mix well.

Cut your goat's cheese into thin-ish slices (about 1cm thick). Lay a few on the bottom of the tart, tip in the beetroot mixture, and stick the rest of the slices on top.

Bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes - you want the goat's cheese to be bubbling, and browning on top.

Serve with a green frondy salad. And beware...it'll turn your wee pink.

Leek, courgette and stilton tart

This used up the last of the leeks from the allotment. Sadly, it did nothing for the glut of swedes from the vegetable box.

You'll need:

4 or 5 medium leeks, washed and sliced
a couple of onions, sliced
a good wedge of stilton (doesn't matter if it's past its best somewhat), crumbled
a small courgette, sliced
a splosh of olive oil
lots of black pepper, and a little dried thyme
shortcrust pastry

Stick the oven on at about 200 degrees C.

Splash a little olive oil into a pan, and fry the leeks and onions on a low heat, until they soften. Add half a teaspoon of thyme, and season with black pepper.

Roll out your shortcrust pastry, and place on a baking tray (preferably one covered in greaseproof paper, or greased with a little oil or butter). You could bake the pastry blind at this point, if you have the time (cover with a sheet of greaseproof paper, and place some baking beans on top before sticking in the oven for 10 minutes or so).

If, like me, you're aiming to have tea ready for 6pm, spread the leek/onion mixture on top of the raw pastry, and dot with the slices of courgette, and the pieces of stilton.

Drizzle a little olive oil over the top, and bung in the oven for 20-30 minutes, until the pastry has turned golden brown, and the stilton has melted. (Obviously if you've already baked the pastry case blind, you'll not need as long).

We ate this with a green salad, and some new potatoes.

Mini apple pies

We made these in honour of your Dad coming back from London, where he'd been to a conference. In return, he brought us back some of the best croissants in the world from the Eurostar terminal at St Pancras.

This makes enough for about 12-15 pies. You'll need:

2 or 3 large cooking apples
a teaspoon of cinnamon
a couple of tablespoons of sugar (assuming you don't have sweet pastry)
shortcrust pastry (about 250g)

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees C.

While you wait for it to warm up, peel and core the apples, and chop into small chunks. Put them into a saucepan with the cinnamon, sugar and a little water, and simmer for 10-15 minutes until they've gone mushy. Leave to cool.

Roll out your shortcrust pastry, and get out your biscuit cutters (or a couple of jam jars of different sizes). You'll need a 12-hole muffin tin too.

Cut out large circles, and line each muffin tin. Cut out some smaller circles for the lids (you could get fancy and do it with strips of pastry too). Dunk a teaspoonful or two of the apple mix into each pie (not too much or it'll bubble over and go everywhere), and lay your lids on top. Cut a little slit in the top of each pie to let the steam out.

Bake in the oven for 20 minutes or so, until the tops are golden brown. They're rather nice hot, dusted with a little icing sugar and eaten with some creme fraiche on the side.

Bacon, leek and potato pie

A ribsticking pie for what turned out to be a surprisingly sunny day. Tea was a bit of a hurried affair yesterday after watching your Dad's promo screening at the Tyneside Cinema, but today was far more leisurely.

You'll need:

4 or 5 rashers of streaky bacon, chopped up
a good wodge of mature cheddar, grated
3 or 4 large leeks, washed and sliced
5 or 6 medium-sized potatoes, peeled and halved
lots of black pepper
2 or 3 tablespoons of cream, creme fraiche, or at a pinch some milk
shortcrust pastry - enough to lay over the top of your pie dish

Stick the oven on at about 200 degrees C. Dunk the potatoes in a pan of boiling water, and cook for 12-15 minutes until they're tender. Drain, and then slice.

Fry the bacon pieces until they've coloured and start to go crispy (you shouldn't need to add any extra oil, but check they don't stick). Lift them out of your frying pan, and then chuck the leeks in - fry them for a couple of minutes, until they've started to soften.

Layer the sliced potatoes and leek/bacon mixture in your pie dish. Grate lots of black pepper over the top (and maybe sprinkle with a little dried thyme if you have any). Top with lots of grated cheese, and then drizzle over 2-3 tablespoons of cream/milk/whatever.

Roll the pastry out to the size of your pie dish, and place on top. Cut a couple of holes in the top for the steam to escape, and then stick in the oven for 20-25 minutes, until the pastry turns golden brown.

We ate this with some steamed broccoli and cauliflower (but it would be equally good cold, with a green salad - it holds together really well, and makes a good picnic pie).

Onion and goat's cheese tart

While I was making mince pies, I thought I'd make a tart for tea - they use the same shortcrust pastry base.

You'll need:

a small log of goat's cheese
two or three large onions, sliced
a handful of black olives
dried thyme
black pepper
enough shortcrust pastry to line a flan tin

Stick the oven on at about 180 degrees C.

Chuck a slug of olive oil into a large frying pan, and heat. Add the sliced onions, and cook on a low heat for 15-20 minutes (at least - they can keep pottering along for much longer if you need them to), until they've softened and started to caramelise.

Roll out the shortcrust pastry, and line the flan tin. Shortcrust is usually pretty forgiving, so you can patch up corners if you haven't got the shape quite right. I use one of those flan tins with a removable base, just to make getting the damn thing out a bit easier.

Spread the onions over the base, and then top with 4 or 5 slices of goat's cheese. Sprinkle over some olives, thyme and black pepper, and then bung in the oven for 20 minutes or so until the pastry is golden and the cheese is molten.

We ate ours with a salad of spinach leaves - it went well with the oily cheese.

Mince pies

Having decided we'd hold an office party on Saturday (given that both me and your dad work from home the chances of us getting a Christmas party are zilch unless we organise one), I've spent the evening making mince pies.

You can get around 24 mince pies out of one jar of mincemeat.

You'll need:

one jar of mincemeat (I used the last one from last year's batch. It was a little on the dusty side, having been hidden at the back of the pantry all year, but tasted just fine.)
8oz plain flour
a little pinch of salt
4oz butter

Stick the oven on, at about 180 degrees C. While it heats up, get on with the pastry making. I use just a basic shortcrust pastry (I like my mince pies on the tart side), but you could add a little sugar to the mix if you wanted.

Rub in the butter and flour, and then add some really cold water to mix. Bring it together to form a smooth, pliable (and not sticky) dough. Roll the dough out on a floured work surface (you should probably leave it to rest in the fridge for 20 minutes or so, but I ran out of time to do this today), and cut out the bases for the pie tins. I cut out some stars to go on the top as well, but you could use just plain tops too.

Dollop in a spoonful of mincemeat (if you're using a shop-bought jar then beware - it tends to go quite runny in the oven, so use a little less than you think), and then shove the star/lid on top.

Bake for 12 minutes or so in the oven, until the pastry has turned a golden brown. Turn out onto a rack to cool.

They're rather nice when warm, especially if you sprinkle them with a little icing sugar.

Chicken and spinach pie

We spent this afternoon scooting round Jesmond Dene like lunatics - pushing me round on the scooter made you laugh like a drain.

But then it got dark, so we came home and made pie for tea, turning the kitchen into a glorious fug of warmth.

You'll need:

leftover chicken from a roast (doesn't need to be a huge amount)
a couple of small onions, sliced
a clove of garlic, crushed
2/3 bag of spinach
a couple of hundred ml of milk
a good-sized knob of butter
a tablespoon of plain flour
some grated nutmeg
lots of black pepper

shortcrust pastry

Turn the oven on to about 200 degrees C.

Pull your chicken off the bones, and cut into chunks. Stick in the bottom of your pie dish.

Fry the onions and garlic in a little olive oil until they're translucent. Add the spinach, and stir until it's all wilted (usually takes a couple of minutes, if that). Transfer the mixture to the pie dish, and mix in with the chicken. Season with lots of black pepper, and maybe a little salt.

Using the same frying pan, throw your knob of butter in, and let it melt. Add the flour, and cook for a couple of minutes. Gradually add the milk, letting it get absorbed by the flour each time. Keep stirring...

Grate in some nutmeg. Stir a bit more.

Once the sauce is nice and thick, pour over the mixture in the pie dish. Top with the shortcrust pastry, and make whatever fancy designs you like on the top (we had a 'M' today), not forgetting to leave a slit for the steam to escape.

Bake in the oven for 30 mins, or until the pastry is golden brown. Serve with some nice veg (we had broccoli, peas and sweetcorn today...).

Shortcrust pastry

This is dead easy to make (you're already doing it at 3, with a little bit of help). All you need to remember is that you need half fat to flour.

This makes enough for pie topping or a quiche base, plus a few jam tarts:

80z plain flour
4oz fat (usually butter, but marg would do just as well)
a pinch of salt
some cold water from the fridge, to mix

Rub the butter into the flour, until it resembles tiny breadcrumbs. You like doing this - especially shaking the bowl to make sure that any large bits come to the surface. Add a pinch of salt (if you wanted sweet pastry, you could add a couple of ounces of sugar here; I've even made herby pastry by putting a little mixed herbs in at this point too).

Drizzle a little cold water into the bowl, and mix. You don't want it to become too sticky - so do this gradually, until you can bring the pastry together with your hand. Roll in cling film, and bung in the fridge for 20 minutes or so to chill before you roll it out.

Bacon, potato and onion pie

I took this from the rather good Pie, by Angela Boggiano, and then adapted it a bit. Mainly because I thought that 7oz of cheese was overkill, and I didn't have any puff pastry in the house.

You helped me make the shortcrust pastry (you're rather good at rubbing in the butter and flour), and then roll it out over the top of the pie dish. We didn't make a bottom, seeing as the pie was carbohydrate-tastic as it was.

You need: (this makes enough for four by the way, although there's mysteriously only one portion left in the fridge at the moment...)

a couple of potatoes, peeled
6 rashers of smoked streaky bacon, chopped
2 large onions, sliced thinly
some cheese (we had Edam in it today, but I suspect that mature cheddar would be nicer)
a little cream - 2 or 3 tablespoons
black pepper

Boil the potatoes (whole) for 10-15 minutes until they're tender. Leave to cool a little and then slice. In the meantime, fry your bacon in a pan until it colours (a couple of minutes), and then add the onions. Cook until the onions turn translucent.

Layer the potato slices and onion/bacon mixture in a pie dish. Grate some cheese over the top, and drizzle the cream. Season with black pepper.

Next, stick your pastry over the top. Make a couple of slits to let the steam out, and then put in the oven at 180 degrees C for half an hour or so, until the pastry has gone light brown and crispy.

We ate this with a green salad, and a few runner beans/broad beans from the garden, which you really weren't keen on. Oh well.